I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
