you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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