Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
