You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
