filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
