college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize