My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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