Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
