i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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