; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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