so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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