Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
