Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
