haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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