the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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