we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
