i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
