shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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