Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
