I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
