just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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