ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Panties = found
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
