whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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