We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
