: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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