You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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