I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
