On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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