YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
