we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
