in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
