So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
