remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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