how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think i got beer on your cat.
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