i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
