so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
