I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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