you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
