Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
