I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize