He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
