Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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