shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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