You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
