just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
