I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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