I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How external is "for external use only"?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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