K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
