its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
