So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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