Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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