I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
