I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
