I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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