well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
