Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
