you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
