the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
