K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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