Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
