I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
