ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
