He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
