Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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