My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
did i walk over a car last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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