Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
