Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
