Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
