I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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