Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
