**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
