I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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