my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
