Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
